Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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