i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
