oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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