I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
