I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize