i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
