She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
