you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
