the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
