3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
