She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Where is the hickey?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
