My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
