More tranny stories later!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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