Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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