Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
