well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
