We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
