i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
