just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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