The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
soo... how was my night?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
