She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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