come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
