Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
