We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You ate ashes out of my bong
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
