Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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