i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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