yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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