it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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