I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
