My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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