He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
