when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
