dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Everyone says I win the strip club
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
