I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
