i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
