I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
