I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
