Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I stole a fireplace last night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Bring me that man meat
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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