he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
