Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
