i permit you to call me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
