so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
