There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
nutella sex= disaster
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
