he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
