we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
