i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
