fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
