Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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