There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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