wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think I am morally bankrupt
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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