A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
