I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
