SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
