I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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