I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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