im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
