HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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