What a fucking waste of an outfit
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I need a beard to bite.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
