i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
