All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Semen is not good for contacts.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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