his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
