jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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