i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
