Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
