I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
