That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
we should paint friendship bongs
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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