I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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