I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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