I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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