great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize