My balls are so social today.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
