omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
