in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
