I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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