and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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