It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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