Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
