these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
