He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
