that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
COCAINE IS GR8
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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