My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
