Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
tell me about the fingering
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