Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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