I just saw a hot homeless man
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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