just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So many bounce houses so little time
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize