We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
