Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
