And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize