I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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